On Swearing

I fucking love swearing. The pure pleasure of a well placed fuck is one of the things I hang on to in life. It might not be professional, it might make other people judge me, but you know what? Fuck them! Swearing is my outlet, my way of saying that I don’t accept the world for what it is, and I believe that it can – and fucking should – change!

swearing and language
Stop censoring yourself typical 1950’s housewife!

Some historical context: America was founded by religious refugees who were expelled from England for being too tight assed. Even in horse-shit covered 16th and 17th century England, with fucking dusted wigs and chastity belts, those motherfuckers were too conservative. They could either convert to the more progressive English state religion – which some King created one day so he could get a fucking divorce – or they could get the hell out, and get the hell out they did!

When they showed up in the fertile lands of America, they had free reign to be as uptight as fucking possible without rubbing anyone the wrong way, except the Native Americans, which they systematically fucking exterminated in the quest for property acquisition. Off to a great start.

They were Puritans, some of them were Quakers I guess. They could finally be as fucking conservative as they want, like burning women at the stake if they dared to voice an “opinion.”But it didn’t stop with the witchhunts, America has been controlled by an incessant religious conservatism that still has a huge influence on our world today. Just look at all the fuckers who voted for Trump! They weren’t doing it to be ironic. They actually believe that a motherfucker like Trump who has shat on the sanctity of marriage anytime a bimbo with bigger tits than his current wife smiled at him will help to keep America conservative.

Let’s get to the reality. Some parts of this religious legacy are annoying. No topless women on American beaches, for example. Some parts are fucking dangerous for society, like pushing for abstinence instead of teaching about contraception. The other parts are ridiculous, like our aversion to swearing, not only because it’s not wholesome (whatever the fuck that means) but because it’s subversive.

The pioneers of the modern swearing movement are surely Matt Stone and Trey Parker whose TV show South Park addressed these very cultural limitations. The TV ratings board, made up mostly of dusty priests and angry moms, felt that any use of the word “shit” should be banned from TV. Heaven forbid we talk frankly about something everyone of us (except maybe the angry moms who only shit once a week) do multiple times per day (#yogurt).

When Comedy Central got the approval to use the word shit, the world was rewarded with one of the best  TV episodes of all time, where the comic geniuses managed to insert the word shit 162 times into 22 minutes, counter and all, without it feeling forced.

That was only the tip of the fucking iceberg though because the South Park movie, Bigger, Longer and Uncut called out the whole establishment. The film is an allegory of itself, a social commentary unlike anything ever seen before. If you haven’t seen it, I’ll fucking explain why it’s the most masterful criticism since Alexander Pope.

In the film, two scandalous Canadian comedians, Terrence & Philip, release a film which is rated R. The film is called Asses of Fire and it features non-stop swearing including the classic song “Shut Your Fucking Face Unclefucker.” The kids manage to see the film and start swearing because of it. Once the parents start to hear their swearing, they try to control it, fail, and then decide to launch a war against Canada and execute Terrence & Philip. When asked why, the angry mom responsible for the crusade responds the only way she can absent any legitimate argument, “because it’s evil.”

And that’s exactly the fucking societal bullshit around swearing. There are words we cannot say. If we say these words we are somehow in violation of society.

People need to take a fucking stick out of their asses and embrace swearing. The meaning those words have exists only in the cringe on the faces of angry moms across America. But you know what? Learn another language. Then learn to swear in that language. Do those words have any meaning? It could be the most foul combination of filthy words ever strung together, and to someone who doesn’t speak that language, they have no fucking idea! Swearing has no objective moral positioning.

Pull out a gun, everyone runs. Take off your top, men will stare. Start sucking a dick at the pharmacy and, well you get the idea. Cultural taboos of sex and violence are universal because they are visual. Swearing is cultural, and being opposed to it is a cultural artifact from ages ago when women couldn’t leave the house and only white men could vote. Cultures change, get the fuck over it.

You know why? Because the web has changed everything. There are no longer barriers to adult content. Any seven year old with an internet connection and a decent computer can watch whatever she wants, especially content where there is swearing. And more and more content features swearing now. You know why? Because it’s better.

What’s a better way to show excitement than a nice “fuck yeah”?

How else to show appreciation for an amazing meal than saying “Thank you madame, that was in-fucking-credible?”

How else to express disappointment when you walk in dog shit on the streets of Paris than “oh shit, fucking asshole dog owners”?

Or when Ted from down the hall takes credit for your work during a meeting and you whisper “you fucking motherfucker” under your breath?

The old barriers to censorship are gone! Content is freed! Our spirits can fly fucking high with the recovering bald eagles and the SpaceX resupply rockets! We can fucking swear on our blogs that no one reads! Let’s storm the McDonald’s at Place de Bastille and shout a huge roaring “Fuck!”

But wait! Does that mean that swearing has lost its caché? Is it fun to swear when no one cares? Is it still subversion? A challenge to the system? Or is it rendered irrelevant?

Fuck no! It’s still as fun as ever, and only getting better. The next frontier is for a major company to use swearing in their advertising. I’m waiting for the day when I see a Coca Cola add like this:

ENTER TALL CARAMEL COLORED ACTOR WITH CURLY HAIR, JUST DARK ENOUGH TO BE DECIDELY ETHNIC BUT WITH BLUE EYES TO REASSURE WHITE PEOPLE, HE’S AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL AND IT’S HOT, HE’S SWEATING A LITTLE BIT, AND AN ATTRACTIVE GIRL REACHES UP AND HANDS HIM AN ICE-COLD COCA-COLA. HE TAKES A SIP AND SMILES. 

“Damn, that’s fucking refreshing” He says. 

END.

Now wouldn’t that be refreshing?
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