To all Dog Owners in Paris

The city of light is the city of dog shit.

Bonjour you fucking Parisian, I see you standing there, waiting next to your dog as he squats down to shit on the sidewalk. I see you there with that plastic bag in your hand that you don’t intend on using unless a police officer is there. I see you avoid eye contact with everyone who is walking by. You know what you are doing is wrong. But you do it anyway.

You bring your animal down the flights of stairs from your microscopic apartment so it can walk a few meters and use this city as a toilet. “Oh, everyone does it!” You claim. “Oh, they clean the sidewalks every day!” You point out.

Yeah, why do you think the city has to spend our tax money on cleaning the sidewalk every single day, and sometimes multiple times per day? Because if they didn’t we would be up to our ankles in dog shit on every single sidewalk on every single street of this magnificent and mythical city. 

Your dog shit doesn’t just stay in some magical pile until the nice street sweeper comes to wipe it up. No, that shit sticks to the sidewalks, gets stuck in the treads of our shoes, and gets tracked into every single building, smudged onto every single walkable surface, spread out so that  your dog’s shit is more omnipresent than God.

Dogs should be illegal in Paris. It’s animal cruelty. Dogs who never touch a patch of grass in their lives are being tortured. Dogs were not meant to live in concrete prisons, marking their territory on the sides of buildings and trash cans, shitting in exactly the same places that millions of people walk each and every day. Dogs were descended from wolves for fuck’s sake. Now the shitty little dogs walking around with their shitty selfish owners, spreading their shit all over the place like they have the right to degrade our beautiful city into some dog shit toilet.

If you do not have the space for your dog to shit outside on your own property, where the only person to step in it and spread it around is you, you should not be allowed to have a dog. Simple.

The next person I see whose dog shits on the sidewalk, I am going to grab them and rub their fucking noses in it. 

Bonne journée, you piece of dog shit.